At last

Marathon Day came and went on Sunday October 20th, 2013. I've had a few days to digest some thoughts as to what transpired.

I arrived the day before, checked into my hotel, attended the expo, picked up my packet, bought some running bars and a new belt with zipper-pouch, and had a brief acupuncture session on my right foot. That evening I had a modestly-sized bowl of spaghetti and a glass of wine from a nice restaurant.

I didn't sleep well the night before, in my hotel room. I tossed and turned, nervous about the day and anticipating the pain and exhaustion. Would I succumb to it, or sail through like I did before? I had no idea. I kept waking up on the half-hour.

At 6:00 am, I drove downtown and boarded the first shuttle bus to the university. It was in the mid-thirties, so I kept my sweatpants and hat on. Warming up consisted of standing leg stretches and just a little bit of yoga (the ground was wet and cold- impractical for staying warm if my butt was soaked).

When it came time, I lined up with the 5 hour Pace Runner (the last of the semi-organized groupings that would ensure the crossing of the finish line in that time). I was more nervous than excited- the fanfare was substantially less than my last marathon over 3 years previous. Maybe it was my tight hat gripping my ears, but I didn't even hear the starting gun. The group started the inevitable ebbing and flowing towards the arches.

As cold, rainy and grey as the day was, it was a decent day for a run. After the first few miles of hanging right with the 5 hour pack, I began to lighten up and enjoy it. The rural routes mirrored what I trained around, the townspeople gathered to encourage us, and the smattering of cowbells were welcome. A young woman named Niki was pushing her handicapped brother Mike in a stroller, much to the delight of family, friends and supporters. That was inspiring, but I have to admit that I grew increasingly disconcerted that they kept passing me by, even after making pit stops. She was definitely powerful that day, and none of it rubbed off on me.

By mile 11, I noticed something was wrong. My energy was depleting. My stop and walks at water stations grew longer and longer. At the 13.1 half-marathon marker, both of my feet hurt, I finished a Clif bar I had been gnawing on, and slowed my pace. I wasn't tight in the legs or cramped up; I just lost my endurance. For the next half, I ran a few blocks, and walked probably even longer. It was grueling, using sign markers and cowbell-toting supporters to help propel me on a little further. Without them, I may have quit altogether; it was very tempting. I was too tired to get introspective or be disappointed that I wasn't carrying myself the way I thought I should be.

I ended strong, coaxing a young woman along that had been in my vicinity for the last few grueling miles in the final stretch. We both ended at about 5 hours and 45 minutes. I should be entirely happy that I finished the race and didn't drop out.

But I'm not. Not completely, anyway. I am not proud of my performance, and that's only because I had an expectation in my head that I would carry myself better for the last 6 months. I did the long training runs, bought the supplements, and took care of myself the way I knew how to. I am glad, however, that I completed- I most definitely needed to do this.

I was so strong 3 years ago, and so happy to be sailing along with my big goofy grin. I completed that marathon in 5 hours and 4 minutes (I attribute a delayed bathroom break at mile 16 to my loss of 4 minutes- I couldn't catch up to the pace runner after that). I saw the official clock ticking along the way and kept right on track, pushing on through. I was exhausted, sure, but there was nothing to stop me; no aches or pains or doubts. It was a beautiful day that ended with a smile on my face- I have the pictures to prove it.

Maybe it was the grey day that eventually got to me and depressed my performance, or even the self-defeating expectations that I slowly realized were not going to come to fruition. Maybe I lost sight of the original reason I set out to do the marathon in the first place. Maybe it was that I weighed 15 pounds more than I did 3 years ago. Maybe it was because I am 3 years older. Maybe I'm too hard on myself.

A coworker shared with me that after childbirth, a hormone is released into the brain that attempts to help the new mother forget the excruciating pain and discomfort she just experienced. "Oh, I could have another baby." she might think, her body cursing the procreative mammalian instinct. Now, I really cannot equate the two, but I'm thinking that I've been self-induced with something similar in order to forget the lousy run I had a few days ago. I may be destined to revisit the experience at least once more.

Shed some winter fat, eat better, consciously increase my speed and use a running group as a perpetual sounding board. The 5 hour mark still eludes me, and I may or may not be at peace with that.

Training is over

The lack of activity on my blog here does not reflect the activity in my running endeavor. It just didn't make sense to update every single run I took on (plus MapMyRun.com served as a surrogate to brag about my longer training runs in the meantime). I lost sight of my original goal. I am, however, committed to run the October 20th Mankato Marathon. And I am ready. 5 days to go.

It's been a pretty hard time for me lately. The one thing I have going for me is this marathon; this little milestone to call my own. I am coming to the realization that it has always been a solo effort, and that's what it was meant to be. Could I have done a fundraiser for the Boston bombing victims as I originally intended? Yes, I could have. But I didn't, and I feel bad about that. But transitions in my life prevented me from pursuing that effectively and responsibly. It would have been a nice gift to benefit their families in a coordinated online effort.

Instead, I think that Krystal, Lu and Martin gave me a little something- the idea that I could do this again, without excuses floating in my head. And just in the nick of training time- from the sadness in their deaths, to the move to action, to the many runs (short and long), to the commitment to registration, and finally to the (eventual) completion. They taught me, in their passing, that life is a painful endeavor, often without grace. Roads highs and low and all of that. The simple metaphor that "life is a marathon" remains trite, but true. It's exhausting, painful and exhilarating. It's just what it is. Nothing more.

And it's worth it.

I'll be going by myself this Saturday, picking up my race number and packet, staying overnight, and then waking up bright and early to spend 5+ hours with 3000 strangers on rural routes, descending hills and small town streets. Then I'll rest, take a shower, and then drive home. So this one belongs to me. I've put in the time; the pained knees, the aching feet and tight hamstrings. But, like anything, these things heal and I continue on. I've done everything that I know how to do in preparation (besides eating more responsibly- I can't ignore my carbohydrate cravings entirely), and I feel strong enough to endure this one more time.

Because I can.

Registered- now I gotta do this thing.

It's for real now. A light at the end of the tunnel:

http://mankatomarathon.com/

winds of change

OK, so I haven't posted in a little while. A few reasons for this: #1 I don't think that anyone is reading, so I'm just babbling to myself. #2 I don't have a fundraising effort up and running yet #3 My original marathon (The Twin Cities Marathon) filled up a few weeks ago, knocking the wind out of my sails.

Regardless, I'm still training, and looking at another marathon in Mankato, MN. It's a week or so after Twin Cities, the course seems good enough, and has the merit of qualifying for the Boston Marathon (adding to its legitimacy as a course). I think this is one to aim for, once I have the cash to register, which should be soon given my recent promotion. Of course, I don't want to make the faux pas of waiting too long again.

I'm on track with my training, I believe. I just ran 11 miles on Saturday, and will kick it up in the next week or so to run a half-marathon length. An unseasonably cool day allowed for a good run. It felt good again, and for the first time since I began this endeavor, I really felt like I could do this thing. I have to; it's all I really have going for me right now.

Runs #20 and #21- Tai-chi this mutha, part II

A 4 mile run Wednesday was challenging through late afternoon humidity, but it was done. Today's 6.25 mile run (a repeat of the run that almost did me in) went much better. A few block-long walks aside, I kept a good pace, and was even mindful of the hills attempting to drag me down. I envisioned a buoyant head that lifted my body, avoiding, at least in my mind, the trudging and dragging up the several larger inclines in my neighborhood.

So, a little progress, and a step in the right direction. There will be a longer route to take, whether this next week or the week after.

I've earned the party that I'm going to tonight. :)

Runs #18 and #19- not like riding a bicycle

After a week away and a cold that knocked me out last week runs 18 and 19 were sorta... sucky.

#18 was a 4 miler after I returned from a week in L.A. I completed that fine, but I certainly felt the one week absence. #19 was today after acquiring a cold for some reason (probably from the seething cauldron of evil called a United Airlines return flight). My endurance wasn't where it was, so I decided to take a much shorter 2.5 mile run around the neighborhood. It was hot too- my arch nemesis. I plan to try again Wednesday; gotta get back up to normal.

Runs #16 and #17- The Apollo Creed creed

Tuesday was a decent 4 miler.

Today was anything but.

I decided to attempt a longer run before my vacation tommorrow. Halfway through it, and halfway up a hill, I stopped to walk. I wasn't physically tired or in any sort of pain, but I stopped. I psyched myself out of it. I contined to move on once I reached the top, but after a few blocks, I stopped again. It was warmer than I expected (around 80), but it wasn't overwhelming. I decided that if it wasn't making sense today, I would turn into the nearby trail park to take the shortcut home.

After stopping to sit in the shade of a pavillion, I forced myself to reflect on this unprecedented wussification. It could have been any number of things; the heat, loss of focus on my training, poor diet, recovering from a demoralizing 6 month assigment in a department where I shouldn't have been assigned in the first place.

The clarity I gained was along the lines of "so what?"- in Rocky III, Apollo Creed yells at Rocky when he's unmotivated in his training. "There is no tommorrow!"

With that weird mantra, I decided to grab a drink of water from the fountain, get back onto the trail and finish what I started. It wasn't a graceful, powerful enduring run. But I did it. 6.23 miles.

I'll try it again in a week.

Run #14 and #15- writing home about it

Little triumphs in the last two runs. When I felt like stopping to walk on 3 occasions during run 14, I didn't. Run 15 was a continuous 5 miler that felt pretty good in 62 degree overcast weather. I need to start increasing my weekend milage soon.

Not sure yet what the toll might be if I take a week off in L.A. My hotel doesn't appear to have a workout facility. Cheapest 3 star hotel in the west coast.

Run #13- I've seen fire, and I've seen rain

A slightly muggy run turned into a downpour. The good news is that it cooled me right off. The "bad" news- it soaked me to the bone, making me feel about 10 pounds heavier. I thought I'd beat the rain in any case, but it beat me. I kept going at a good pace; even got a car horn honk out of it (though this might have been some kids flipping me off or something- I didn't see. Or it could have been a "way to go!" honk). Overall it felt pretty good to be out there today; about 4.5 miles. I'll need to get in some longer routes soon- a good one before my vacation in two weeks.

Still doing yoga, but not daily. Also, I'm feeling fat, so I want to eat more sensibly, cutting down on carbs and eating more greens. Ideally, I should be 15 pounds lighter by the time I do this thing. If I follow my own perscription for the next 5 months, that should just about do it.

Run #12: Good Cool Run. Feel Fat.

No need to elaborate. I'll get over it.

Run #11: Step back

Today was kind of a wash, so I determined that I sm training dumb. The good thing is that I'm not really stiff and the knees don't hurt. Endurance sucks, but that may have to do with a relatively warm day, and a large walleye sandwich for lunch. I stopped to walk a little about every half-mile to catch my breath, and I psyched myself out that I might throw up too far from home.

I lead a wonderful life.

Run #10- A New Hope

Not bad today. Same distance, but the pain in my knees has subsided significantly. No ice packs. No pills. Au Naturale. Just a litle touch of gas had me walking a block. Otherwise, no ill effects.

I'm wondering if my stops and walks will affect me in the long run. I'll feel better when I'm able to carry on continously for a good distance without breaks in the stretch. Just need more time and consistency- no real worries.

Run #9- tired of the same complaints

Let's just say that two icepacks are better than one. The same applies to ibuprofen.

Yoga, Yoga, Yoga!

Guess what I did tonight? I think it may may a difference if I keep it up, at least on my off running days. I'll attempt a decent run tomorrow.

Alarming how the two segments I followed OnDemand ended with a Life Alert ad. A friend of mine observed that it's probably the same demographic.

Yikes.

Run #8

In about the only sgnificant thing I've done all week, a 5 mile run was a landmark. The knee still hurts, but the ibuprofen/kneebrace combo helps me to make it though after a rough start.

Eagan is, for lack of a better word, hilly. I was able to conquer, at least in part, my notion that hills were impossible to surmount at this point in my training. Turns out that it was fine, with a few stops at traffic lights and hiking up the brace. An 11 minute mile pace is alright.

I'm still concerned about the dang knee, though. I am straddling the line between toughing through the discomfort or doing continuing damage to it. I think I need to intercept this by other means, stetching, etc. Just want to be responsible.

Run #7 - Wet Nursing

Now that I have your attention...

The left knee is still causing me some grief- same shape as it was on Monday. I wanted to get a run in before the SNOW (yes, snow) came tonight and plagued Minnesota for the next few days. In May, for crissakes. It wasn't pleasant, but I got it in.

A reversal of an earlier route and 30 degrees cooler than Monday made for a better jaunt this time. I was pelted with sleet halfway through and took on a few pounds of water, but it was an improvement overall.

I'm going to give it a few days to heal up with an icepack or two; give her another go on Saturday at the earliest. If I can dig my way out of my house, that is.

Run #5 and #6- Fine and Ugly

Run #5 on Saturday went well enough. Nice and cool morning around the neighborhood, and only a few spots where I needed to stop. The only real downside was that my left knee was aching. Fortunately, I discovered a knee brace I forgot that I had.

Run #6- brutal. It felt hot and I only managed a 12 minute mile. I was out for an hour and covered the same amount of ground as I normally have done. I pushed through the pain of the left knee, which turned to a dull ache for most of the run. I only really stopped to tie up my shorts and to just catch my breath. My endurance was challenged more than usual. When I returned home I discovered that a 55 minute excursion had no real extra milage. Today was disappointing. I suppose I should get used to that. Not even the sunniest day can offer a stellar accomplishment each and every time. Today can suck it, training-wise. I have only myself to blame.

Onward, and upward.

Run #4- Done good today

I went a little further today. Probably 4.5 miles arounf the neighorhood. I had to stop at traffic lights, but not for long. The snow is melting and temperature hung around the 50 degree mark. The shorts were on, the trails clear and the snow piles were melting. I managed a pretty good pace, and felt less winded afterwards.

Next planned run is Saturday morning. Rumor has it we'll hit 70. Rumors...

Run #3: insights plus!

I repeated my route #1- did a little better in the endurance department. I would have run last night after work, but a late April snowstorm prevented a safe route to run. Plus, who wants to go out in that crap?

I remembered my former running instincts that helped me push through today:

1. Let the mind wander.
2. Keep a straight back and defy gravity (avoid that sinking, lead foot feeling).
3. Use the arms to swing gently forward, propelling each stride a little. Let them hang loose enough without tension, but allowing enough form to keep the sway uniform (like a train).

These informal tricks of the trade brought back the notion that I can do this. I'll need all the help I can get- Eagan is pretty damn hilly. A perfect proving ground for the marathon.

Run #2

As sunny as Saturday can be, it is still pretty damn cold. Which is fine. I run better in colder weather, stay cooler and my core temperature increases at a substantially lower rate, of course. This was evidenced in a run I had around Lake Calhoun about 15 years ago- bitter cold with no one else around on a bitter cold December night. I could have run forever.

Too bad I'm not 15 years younger.

Today had a better result than Run #1 - same route only in reverse. I felt a groove about halfway, but I am still pretty sensitive to even slight increases in elevation. My body is still a little angry at me, but getting more used to the idea. I stopped twice at precarious intersections, and most of the way was running streetside. No car horns blaring, so that was a plus.

This is also for Lu

Lu Lingzi lost her life too last Monday. She was a Boston University grad student, and mourned by friends both in Boston and her native China.

Run #1

Long story short...


I've run two marathons previously. The first one was to do it for the sake of doing it. It was brutal and an unprecedented 92 degrees out. But I finished. The second in the following year went much better; much more enjoyable, cooler and a half hour quicker.


My third attempt had no purpose, and I quit during my training and fell into a 2 year funk, and a fair amount of my time and energy was spent feeling sorry for myself.


Yesterday woke me up. 3 dead and countless wounded by a couple of bombs at the Boston Marathon finish line. Amputations, devastation and an 8 year old boy gone by unknown assailants. I've officially run out of excuses.


Today, I put on my running shoes and my stinky Minnesota Vikings longsleeve shirt and went for a run. It was actually sunny today for a change. April 16th and there's still snow on the ground. The grey days are still around, but it feels as though these will be limited soon enough.


It has been nearly 2 full years since I've been out there. And it felt like it. My legs feel like rubber after a 4 mile ordeal. I may have managed a 12 minute mile, and stopped once just to walk off that bandy-legged feel for a few blocks. I am 2 years older, most definitely.


But now I have purpose. I'm running for Krystle Campbell, who went to take pictures with her friend yesterday. And for Martin Richard, who was with his family at the finish line. And for the 3rd victim, who I don't believe was identified as of yet. And for the ones who have suffered losses that day I just can't imagine.


I'm going to find a fundraising opportunity to help those people. My life may seem as though it sucks for the most part right now, but I really don't know what really sucks. What sucks is losing a leg, or a foot, or a loved one. I have no excuses anymore. I have to do this, because I can do this.

Why I'm finally up to it